Having a Toolbelt

 An often heard term for an inventory of coping skills is a toolbox. "Pull out your toolbox. Use your coping skills." This phrasing can get lost amongst life after a crisis situation is over, and a daily routine returns after an inpatient stabilization for someone recovering from a mental health crisis. 

Inpatient settings generally include a crisis plan being written before discharge. The plan includes a list of triggers or warning signs. Specific coping skills an individual can use to stabilize and prevent another crisis are listed also. The skills listed are dubbed a 'toolbox'.

Not all mental health patients have been hospitalized. A crisis plan is still useful in being prepared when a curveball is thrown at you. There's not an owners manual or flow chart to show you what to do. Knowing self calming techniques and self care are huge for getting through moments that rock your routine. 

For working on emotional regulation (not poking the badgers named anxiety, mania, depression, flashbacks) different tools help people in different ways and in different moments. Trial and error, persisentcy, and gentle reminders are how I discovered what tools are right for my situations and growth. I can only share my lessons as a peer. Learning what works for you may be and most likely will be different. Don't be afraid to try new ways to live with symptoms and treat your mental health!

When I sit down and think about coping skills it does not look like, "Name the emotion, find a tool, take away the emotion" Thought patterns and behaviors  around taking away my emotions (for me) mean I am hiding, and trying to force an outcome. 

Ever tried to force a screw in with the wrong size screwdriver? Stripping emotional screws with the wrong tools can leave a similar internal dilemma. Don't screw yourself emotionally bare. Coping is about regulating and getting through, not turning off unpleasant emotions. If you had never cried as an infant, would your laugh have been so joyful as you discovered new ways to use your vocal chords? 

Having a daily toolbelt helps gauge the day. The most important tool through the day is an outlook. Looking at my mental health through a different lens. I used to struggle with taking my medications. Good friends helped me to be accountable and honest with my doctor. And we made a plan for more accountability taking my medication. I'd text a trusted friend when I took my dose, and I told my psychiatrist of my accountability plan. She offered to have accountability with her as well, and we started pill counts in appointments so she knew I was taking my medication. 

This shift in accountability, took away an internal stigma about needing medication. And as medication began to help manage my mood, my abilities strengthened. The energy I used to maintain stabilization, shifted to other tasks for maintaining my mental health. Taking my medication became a routine, and I began working on awareness of my symptoms. Thus my daily toolbelt was formed. Like a diabetic always carrying spare insulin, test strips, and juice or hard candy I began to use an arsenal of tools. 

The most frequent conversation I have with peers is accepting their mental health diagnosis, and choosing self care over self degradation. Gentle shifts in self talk and self care help so much in awareness and catching early signals of adjustments needed.

Some days I haven't been able to get out of bed, or leave my home. These days I have to be more flexible and change my tool belt. Taking a shower, brushing my teeth, or putting on clean clothes are still tools. It's important to recognize when a pattern of different tools are needed to follow upquickly with a mental health professional. Recognizing patterns is recognizing symptoms!

Positive self talk is an amazing skill to learn. Set a goal to change one word you use to describe yourself to yourself. If you're clumsy, and through out the day say "That was dumb. Why did you do that? You're stupid! Look at you walking into things again!" You are feeding a cycle of self deprivation and defeat. This is a cycle I struggle with still from time to time, but speaking kindly to myself in these moments fixes the foundation of my self esteem. 

Replace stupid with sweetie. Change crazy to creative. Stop saying dumb, and say I'm learning. Should is a word I throw out when I hear it. Each day is a new experience. Saying "I should have known better.", steals the joy of when you have learned a new lesson. Saying, "I wish I had known then. I'm glad now that I've learned from my past." Gives yourself a beautiful gift of being present each day. 

This may sound too simple. It was not a simple task for me. I had to start with a post it note on my bathroom mirror. I'd start a new week with a new positive statement about myself. When I brushed my teeth, or washed my hands I'd read "You are stronger than you know.", "You are capable.", "You deserve good things.", etc. Slowly these thoughts started seeping in. I can remember one morning after months of being angry each week writing a new post it note, I walked into a doorway. (Yes, I still walk into doorways) My shoulder caught the doorframe, and I bounced off. Rubbing my shoulder I said, "Good thing you bounce still." And then I realized for the first time in many years I had not called myself clumsy and dumb in a situation I normally would. 

In this moment I began rephrasing my self talk. I didn't stop saying clumsy and dumb immediately. I created a habit of awareness in my self talk. I would apologize to myself, and then state something nice instead to replace the negative talk. 

There's so much more on this subject of daily tools. And from the list of daily tricks for maintenance, you have the toolbox inventory to make adjustments if a well used tool needs to be set aside and sharpened. My one suggestion for all is to find one effective tool to carry with you tomorrow. Set a goal to learn to create a pause between emotion and reality. 

Emotions are based off perspective, a small shift in perspective can reap bounds of change. Small changes pay dividends on the journey to long term stability, and mental well being. Become your fiercest advocate, and that can start by advocating to yourself.